A discourse on the art of dumpster diving

If it looks like trash, if it smells like trash, and if it feels like trash, it probably is trash.
-A Wise Man

Most people's idea of a good time probably doesn't include eating trash. But there are those of us out there, who relish the idea of chowing down on some good ol' trash. Below are a few tips and tricks that just might help you out when your wallet gets thin.

What to Bring:

• Sturdy clothes are an obvious necessity. You don't want to get any cuts from sharp objects.
• Flashlights are helpful if you're diving at night. A head-mounted light is better, cause it frees up both hands. 
• A knife will help with cutting open trash bags and fending off overzealous raccoons. 
• A phone is a great help reporting dead bodies to the police. 
• A ride is also great in case the owner of the dumpster decides to come at you with a knife/gun.

Where to Dive:

• Grocery stores are a great place to find fresh produce.
• Malls and shopping plazas often have dumpsters behind their stores. Here you can find more exotic goods with a unique flavors. 
• Big stores like Walmart and Kroger throw out foods near or past their expiration date that are fine to eat. 
• If you're looking for foods that have a certain je ne sais quoi, look no further than your local 168 or Patel Brothers. They import foods from all over the world which will certainly give your tongue a new outlook on life. However, know that foreign stores are stingier than American stores and only throw foods out when they're way past their expiration date.

What is generally safe to eat:

• Breads won't harbor any large bacterial colonies as long as it's relatively dry
• Most fruits and vegetables are safe to eat as long as you pare off the blemishes. 
• Meat is where things get a little shaky. As Lars says, it's a good idea "to avoid game, poultry, pork, and egg-based foods." This doesn't mean you can't eat meat, deceased pets and human bodies (if you choose not to report the body to police) are generally quite fresh and can be eaten with proper organ removal. 

As with all things in life, dumpster diving has it's own etiquette.

• It's a bad idea to leave a mess, so please clean up after yourself.
• If you happen to find private or confidential information in a dumpster, you should only sell it if you're willing to never return to said dumpster.
• If you see a dumpster behind a closed fence, only dive there after dark. 

With these tips in mind, I wish y'all good luck in you're duster diving. 

One man's trash is another man's dinner.

-The Wisest Man